about malay engagement ceremonies
A young Malay man who wishes to propose to the lady of his heart does not kneel on one bended knee and utter “Will you marry me?”. He abides by the Malay traditions of merisik and tunang before nikah.
The Merisik Ceremony
The merisik ceremony is a platform for the young man’s party to inquire on the lady’s agreement to the intended marriage and to seek the consent of the lady’s parents.
For this, the young man’s party (the young man is not present during this ceremony) would pay a visit to the lady’s house. Introductions, small talk and tea later, a wakil (often an older male relative) of the young man’s party (parents, relatives, siblings etc) makes known of his party’s intentions. Traditionally, the female’s party would then thank the young man’s party and request for a few days to consider the proposal; these days, however, the parents of the pair would have anticipated a ready acceptance.
As such, discussions on the upcoming majlis pertunangan (engagement ceremony) will take place i.e. date and time of engagement ceremony, engagement gifts, number of people who will constitute the bride and groom party etc. The necessary preparations for the engagement ceremony thus commences.
The Pertunangan Ceremony
The pertunangan ceremony varies on the scales of grandness but the focus remains the same: dates for wedding ceremonies, dowry and the placement of the engagement ring on the betrothed.
On this day, the young man’s party (the young man is again not present during this ceremony) will visit the lady’s house bringing with them the engagement ring and gifts meant for the future bride.
Introductions, small talk and tea later, wedding details i.e. wedding dates, amount of dowry, hantaran etc are discussed amongst the representatives of both parties. The majlis pertunangan ends after a female representative from the young man’s party slides the engagement ring on the finger of the future bride, and with a round of prayers.
